Change It Up

This first month of a new year, I’m thinking about change – who likes it, who loathes it, and about my conflicted relationship to it. I’m envious of people who began life with a childhood in one place, aware that my peripatetic childhood inclines me to motion. And I’ve always thought it a mistake to be so eager to change things in some way.

And then I read a wonderful article (here) by the novelist Jhumpa Lahirie about her passion for the Italian language, an obsession pursued so ably she can write eloquently in Italian (translated here by Ferrante’s translator). Lahirie says writing in Italian makes her a “tougher, freer writer, who, taking root again, grows in a different way.” She writes:

“One could say that the mechanism of metamorphosis is the only element of life that never changes. The journey of every individual, every country, every historical epoch – of the entire universe and all it contains – is nothing but a series of changes, at times subtle, at times deep without which we would stand still.”

Born in America to immigrant parents from West Bengal, Lahirie describes her mother as coping with that move by “a refusal to modify her aspect,” while Lahirie always felt for herself an “insistence on transforming.” Lahirie’s embrace of change is so strong:

“The moments of transition, in which something changes, constitute the backbone of all of us. Whether they are a salvation or a loss, they are moments that we tend to remember. They give structure to our existence. Almost all the rest is oblivion.”


She ties change to her reason for art: “I think the power of art is the power to wake us up, strike us to our depths, change us. What are we searching for when we read a novel, see a film, listen to a piece of music? We are searching through a work of art, for something that alters us, that we weren’t aware of before.”

Lahirie acknowledges changes can be small – “at times subtle,” and they can be a “salvation or a loss” – maybe some of both. She finds much positive in the act of change itself. Viewing change as positive puts me in mind of the resistance born of negatives associated with change – risk and fear and their relatives.

I like Lahirie’s view better – making change happen with permission and encouragement!

Amaryllis changing


“Marguerite’s Christmas” and New Year Thoughts

India Desjardin’s picture book, “Marguerite’s Christmas,” illustrated by Pascal Blanchet and translated from the French by Carolyn Grifel, is the story of Marguerite Godin who lives alone and has come to realize she would be happy to never step outside her house again. (Thanks to Julie Danielson for introducing me to this book on her blog, and Julie includes spreads from the book:

Anxious and afraid of much in the world, of what might befall her, Marguerite turns down invitations from children and grandchildren and plans a quiet Christmas Eve, heating a frozen meal and watching television specials. But events provide a complicating encounter with strangers.

I love everything about this elegant book, from the diagonal candy-cane striped endpapers and luminous, angular illustrations of cozy houses and falling snow to the story – not at all usual for a children’s book. (I am eager to read it to Lady Baby and hear her take).

What follows here isn’t a tidy tie-together, maybe just intersecting thoughts, but Marguerite’s story played in my mind all through the holiday. I recognize that pull to stay put, to narrow down to comforts and familiar habits – how different from engaging, from making an effort.

At night we see the glittering lights of Victoria, British Columbia, across the Strait from our house. Sweet Baby’s parents had never been, so New Year’s Eve we had planned a quick trip.

After a week of dark, cold rain, the weather turned clear on New Year’s Eve eve, and Sweet Baby, who proved to be as flexible a traveler as her parents, slept on the ferry. She woke as we approached the decorated buildings around Victoria’s quiet inner harbor.

The next morning Sweet Baby, zipped into her dad’s down jacket, slept as we walked through beautiful Beacon Hill Park to see our bluff from the other side. In the afternoon she rode in Lady Baby’s little pink London stroller while we explored the Royal British Columbia Museum.

We ate great restaurant meals, Sweet Baby sitting in a high chair to dine on “tubes” of various contents and O’s – little puffs she carefully picks up one at a time. She looks at us when we eat noisy food like chips. (I think she knows something more could be on offer. Something to complicate life.)

For dinner on New Year’s Eve, we arranged to meet the woman I met by chance in December when we boarded the plane home from Anchorage. A scientist, she’d been in the Arctic interviewing people about their experiences with recent weather. Although she lives in Victoria, as we exchanged the usual seatmate greetings, we realized that we planned to visit Victoria for New Year’s, and she planned to come to Port Townsend with her daughter. Their plans changed, so we invited them to join us for dinner.

My new friend and her daughter certainly weren’t in a snow bank like Marguerite’s people – but were a serendipitous encounter acted upon.

I’m going to remember “Marguerite’s Christmas” this year. We did have a really good time at that dinner – but even if we hadn’t, we’d have had a new experience. And that’s of value, great value.

Olivia and Laura 1

Slow Beginnings – A Little More December

Arriving the day before Christmas Eve and departing the weekend after New Years, Sweet Baby and her parents came north for the whole holiday. That gift of time made for the most luxurious of holidays.

Having nine-month old lively Sweet Baby changed everything. We celebrated around her wake time (early) and naps (one in the front pack on a walk and one in the crib). Sitting in a little chair that hooked onto our wooden spool coffee table, she ate meals with us by the fire.

Sweet Baby gets up and down from the floor with enviable ease and can stand alone, although a little shakily. For Christmas she revealed one bottom tooth and then another in the days after. Sometimes she wore a t-shirt with a glittery heart on front saying, “My heart is made of gold.”

If she’s on the floor, she extends her little arms for a pick-up or grabs hold of our jeans to pull herself up. Once up, she’s a cuddly, wiggling bundle delivering smiles, squeezes, and squeals. She pats us, then extends her arm as though to point, but turns her hand palm up in the most graceful, slightly questioning way. I’m not sure what it means, but it is pure Sweet Baby.

Santa and stockings? Secondary to the package she received from our niece on arrival day, wrapped with a huge curly-ribboned bow. Each time Sweet Baby encountered the bow, she would carefully pull one strand out, turn it this way and that, and eventually insert it in her mouth (the final exploration). An adult would remove it, and she’d pick another.

Sweet Baby looked with intensity at everything – pictures on walls and fridge, the sky and trees. When I carried her over my hip in one arm while I opened or closed the shades, put the kettle on, made the oatmeal – I explained my actions. She’d watch the shade go up and then turn her head toward my face and study me – looking for reaction, for more words.

Oh, and words – her mom speaks mostly Thai to her, so her tiny head is full of two languages. The sort of things you say to babies became familiar in Thai, even to us.

For Christmas dinner we went out to our favorite Thai restaurant – cheerful and colorful. The Sweet Bride and the restaurant’s owner chatted to one another while each held a baby girl. The Sweet Bride said it felt like being home – and to us the evening felt like a delicious new tradition.

On the day of departure I picked up the remains of the ribbon when we got back from the airport run. Good times never last quite long enough – and oh, Sweet Baby’s first Christmas was a very good time!

Olivia and Laura